The Why Behind Us

13 years of choosing love, rewriting the rules, and the power of pride

Mood: Grateful & Blessed
Vibe: Early Morning
View: NYC Pride Day, watching the sun rise

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Earlier this month my wife and I celebrated 13 years together, 4 years married, and if you caught last month’s post, one full year of being moms. Our journey, as most journeys go, has been anything but linear. We’ve navigated joy and grief, clarity and confusion, hope and loss, and through it all, we’ve thrived.

I love the word thrive because we’re not just surviving, we’re doing this. Every single day. Not to toot our horns, but some people do consider us #relationshipgoals. And while we’re definitely far from that, the idea always makes us smile because we know what we’ve endured and continue to navigate to be here and stay in it.

We intentionally and genuinely make the choice every day to be together. That in itself is a win. Because once you make that choice, the real work begins.

We’re often asked how we met. And yes, our “how we met” story is cute, so cute it was featured in Essence’s Bridal Bliss segment. Check out the article and video if you’re curious. But the real question people should ask is why. Why did we meet?

Hear me out…

When we crossed paths, I was just coming up for air. I had just completed a year of therapy after a toxic 4-year situationship, and honestly, shout out to therapy and to Dr. Wendy, my first adult therapist. If not for her, I truly don’t know where I’d be. Therapy saved my life. I even wrote about it for My Wellbeing a few years back.

So there I was, open to possibility, finally in a place to receive. I was online dating, meeting people, going out, but nothing really moved me. Still, I was present. I was trying. And I had no idea that the woman I was about to meet would one day become my wife.

Fast forward 7 years (I know, I know, long stretch). Shout out to her for patiently loving me while I did the work. I had to unpack and unlearn so much—childhood trauma, identity questions, mommy and daddy issues, all of it. And one day, it hit me: she wasn’t what I thought I wanted. She was what I needed. She was what I had unknowingly been calling in all along.

She was my why.

I believe in all kinds of soulmates—best friends, siblings, even kindred spirits you meet in passing—but she is my life partner soulmate. I truly believe that no matter where we were or how we met, we would have found each other. This was always written. It was destined.

That’s one of the many reasons we love June, not just for Pride, though that’s huge, but because it marks when we chose to ride this wave together. It’s the month we said yes to us. And in a world where loving who you love, being who you are, and simply existing is constantly under attack, I don’t take that lightly.

I feel immense joy and deep gratitude that I’ve had the gift of choice in this life. And I know there are so many people, especially young people, still fighting for that.

If that’s you, I see you. I support you. I will always be a safe space and a resource.

Today, I feel pride. For who I am. For who we are. For the life we’ve created by refusing to shrink.

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: I am my ancestors’ wildest dreams. To be the “black sheep” turned light bearer in my own family, to live out loud with intention and embodiment, is no small thing. But for me, it’s like air. Because being who I am in how I breathe.

Happy Pride to my fellow queers and beloved allies.

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This Month, join me @

Beyond the Pain Panel Event: This July, I’m joining as Co-Founder of Non-Corporate Girls™ in collaboration with Marsha Badger of Introvert N the City and Yasmeen Duncan of The Sisterhood Society for Women of Color for a conversation that’s long overdue.

We’ll be joined by our guest expert, Dr. Renita White, for an unfiltered discussion on fibroids, fertility, and the power of self-advocacy especially for Black women and those often overlooked in healthcare conversations.

We’re saying what needs to be said.
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