The Slow Fast of Motherhood
Reflections on our first Mother’s Day, the fertility journey, and everything in between
Mood: Tired and reflective
Vibe: Evening wind-down with music in the background
View: Rainy night (because apparently, that’s the theme this month 🙄)
I can’t believe we’re heading into June. May flew by, faster than most months. But it also carried more weight.
This month marked our first official Mother’s Day as moms. Last year, our daughter was born on Mother’s Day, so we were in the thick of it, overwhelmed, exhausted, and just trying to get our bearings. This year, we had a little more space to reflect. We celebrated her first birthday, and with that, we celebrated one year of becoming.
People told us the first year would go fast, and they were right. But it’s a slow fast. In the beginning, you’re in survival mode. Everything feels long, messy, emotional. Then almost overnight, you’re standing at your daughter’s birthday party thinking, How did we get here so quickly?
It’s surreal. Beautiful. A total mind fuck.
Having our daughter was the second-best decision we ever made. The first was finding each other.
My wife and I have been together for 13 years this June, on the 13th funny enough, and married for nearly four. We both thought we’d be single moms when we were younger. Maybe it was the examples we grew up around, or maybe it was just what we assumed was possible.
As I got older, I didn’t think much about having kids. I knew I’d be a great mom one day, but it wasn’t something I actively focused on. I also wasn’t dreaming about marriage, especially not marrying a woman. I know, wild how so much has shifted.
When we decided to get married, conversations about family moved front and center. For us as a same-sex couple, the process of building a family required an extra layer of intention. While every path to parenthood has its own planning, ours came with unique logistics, choices, and emotional complexity. You don’t just arrive at it you have to actively prepare, make deeply personal decisions, and hold space for the unknown. And even with all that, nothing truly prepares you for how hard the journey can be.
Financially, yes but also mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. If you’re lucky, you have access to benefits or resources to help you navigate it all, but even then, it’s a lot.
Every stage had its own set of heartbreaks and hurdles: donor searches, retrievals, transfers, loss, depression, anxiety. It tested us. But through it all, we never lost sight of each other. And for that, I’m endlessly grateful. Seriously…thank God for therapy.
If this experience taught me anything, it’s how vital fertility health and education are, especially for women. The conversations need to start earlier. The access needs to be easier. And the shame needs to be stripped away.
So I want to say this loud and clear:
If there’s even a 1% chance you may want to have a child in the future, please consider fertility preservation now especially if you’re financially able or have access to benefits that support it. Egg health decreases with age, and egg freezing can create options you might not think you’ll need, until you do.
This is something I’ve shared with close friends, family, and peers. Now I’m sharing it with you. Not out of fear, but out of empowerment.
Because even though our journey came with challenges, I don’t regret a single moment. Our daughter is the greatest gift we never knew how deeply we needed.
And every day I get to be her mom, I’m reminded we made the right choice.
I’m still learning. Still processing. Still figuring it out. And I’ll be real motherhood isn’t for everyone. I didn’t even know it was for me until I was in it.
But what I do know is this:
We all deserve to have choices. Real ones. Informed ones. Empowered ones. Whether you decide to become a parent or not, your path is valid.
If there’s even a small part of you considering it someday, I hope you give yourself the space and support to explore what that could look like for you, on your terms.
📌 As Always—share my Substack with a friend (because sharing is caring), and grab time on my Calendly to chat, book a consult, or schedule an interview.